you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
