Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
