Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
