Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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