Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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