What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
