Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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