He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
