Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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