My room smells like vodka and shame
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize