Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
