I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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