Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
