Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize