pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
