i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
