I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
