She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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