I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it hurts more in the daytime
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Come share oat with me in your robe
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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