So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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