Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize