Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i think i just lost a toe
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
