I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
