So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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