out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
