I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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