If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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