a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
