I want to walk on stilts...naked
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
