I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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