She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I bet he comes in French.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
