i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
