That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
