Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize