Got a toothbrush?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
