I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize