Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
