So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
