Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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