The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
