I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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