You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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