I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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