So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
