I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
