I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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