I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
