no, he came in my armpit
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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