And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
