Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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