I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
