is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
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just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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