that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
