I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He felt like a one man threesome
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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