ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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