There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
