toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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