No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
