whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
