I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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