There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Quick, to the slutcave!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
