i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
