can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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