alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up under a house in Key West
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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