so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize