I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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